when we were kids you taught me everything i know about appreciation and compassion. “chaos reigns in me”- words written in tape on an art class table. along with: “all i feel is rushing water”, and, “the water is rising up to my eyes”. lying in bed at night, there is one reclaimed thought i cannot shake- chaos reigns in me, it makes up everything i am. chaos reigns in me, i can feel its rushing water.

i’m gonna drink so much water that my gut explodes and my roommates will have to clean up my pink blood off the floor lovers laying, eating wings off moths you make me feel like a child. you make me swallow future raw, you make me lust to raze, please say my name! please say my name? i love to hear my own name. when i think about you, bunny all i can think is “you’re so funny”. when we tied me up and put me in the pool, all i could think was “you are so cool”.

a rotting fruit in your left hand, a dark red loom weaving your heartache you wash yourself in other people, the riverbed is filling up you hold me down in the sugar your hands feel like fire on my back i know i’m yours, you stone fruit-palmer, drown me in you i want to your body, shaking true colors, light-black heart my gigantic body floats over you our souls are the same size every memory (photograph) of me is also a memory (photograph) of you feeling strange, but it’s okay, we are chained to what we do feeling strange, cuz i am chained maybe that’s just what i do

baby bunny show me inside me all this pain, the old trees are burning down! world-line seed, germinating! an old house, stitching together so many lives! the tree is flowering, and my heart is growing like an apple.

i’ve been away, marking the hours till i can see you still in disbelief that you exist at all if i’m a halo hung around your heart, okay, that’s fine. i feel like i’ve loved you my whole life. but can i survive this? take myself apart so i can clean the pieces pull apart what grows from them, petal by petal i will salt the flowerbeds and burn the leaves because i’m too precious with myself, and i’ve waited so long for anything at all. (ya ya) you’ve been feeding on this world’s love and latent power, lavender star i wish that we could be more than just humans on earth together, i wanna float through formlessness with you, i wanna share our childhoods and past lives too, how could we know that death is the end- as far as we’re concerned, that never mattered. my real body wakes up does the things i’m meant to do takes a shower, works, and goes to school- but i’m rushing water miles below you. if i turn blue you’re going too fast, house upstate, lit tungsten path pools of rushlight- waste from your own fat. and i’m rushing water miles below you. catching snowflakes on your tongue, watching colors bleed to one- pink and orange, plum and shades of blue. and i’m rushing water miles below you. swallow’s song carried through air. dinner gets thrown on the floor. fallow cycle, one year from today. and i’m rushing water miles below you. detoxing your energy, your favorite show is on right now. you’re lying with your pet and some reishi. feel my rushing water, you know me

i am spinning all the time. when i sing your song, i can taste my crush’s skin. the dew of a hot car at night where you called me “fire”, egolessly palming your emptiness in both my hands, snot on your face, clawing around “i am you”, you said “your pain is mine” our superposition. “i am you”. the cloth, the moss stitch of all time, it’s eternalistic, and i barely get it right the knit, the interlocking fingers, the i-don’t-know-how-to-say-“i love you”, and the loom in our future living room and the tapestries it makes feeling the spread of your waist across both my hands, we dance across the threads all night “i am you”, you said, “your pain is mine”- but you just embroidered your name on me. red name in stitches, “i want to be you”.

i carry your show dress on my back, powder makeup still caked in the corset your reveal was bad and poorly staged but i wish i could’ve seen it still katakana you (i) don’t understand in lipstick behind you on the shower wall your soft white hand around my gut one year later your hair looks so orange under the tungsten lights i just get so flushed when i imagine your life your smooth back reminds me of a tile floor i can’t help but burn when i imagine your life you shrug when i speak about anything there is nothing between you and i you left my door wide open, and your tulpa walked right in. you see me and you clasp your sweaty hands together- will you be strong? or will you be kind-- weaving your hair into a rope made of flowers, or sacrificing everything in animal worship? your hair looks so white under fluorescent lights i just get so flushed when i imagine your life your sleeping body reminds me of a rothko i can’t help but burn when i imagine your life

amber, ember, forest runner i just want to be left alone amber, ember, forest runner this bed is not big enough for the two of us to sleep in wax and fire, chopin’s nocturnes i find your darkness boring when the light hits zero point i know when we make out, it’ll come on again you’re trying to destroy me just to show me that you’re something to be scared of but i’m not scared of you because how could i be scared of you i saw you hanging from a tree across the street over my neighbor’s lawn i could almost feel you with my hands hanged like a prism in my window i saw you hanging from a tree across the street over my neighbor’s lawn the flower of evil blooms and no one’s around to see it i saw you hanging from a tree across the street over my neighbor’s lawn i could almost feel you with my mouth cold like a rainbow in my window i saw you hanging from a tree across the street over my neighbor’s lawn the flower of evil blooms and no one is paying attention

eating candy on the B train i don’t mind when you hit me because i like it when you touch me your sour mouth melts carbon every time i taste it you live for death and i am wasted your black star halo pulls me in and i am in your patterned ring day of the double agent, day of oscillation we are woven in the fabric you steal my worth to shape me how you want me you make eyes like you’re hungry so kiss me, hold my hand and guide me your perfect hands and the cleaved porcelain you carry push down on me until i can’t breathe and the white flesh that you’ve burnt and made slick for me makes me question if i could survive your radiation you steal my worth to shape me how you want me you make eyes like you’re hungry so here i am i love you and i am ready to be swallowed